So Cold
by Zane's Girl- Jo
Summary: She'd taken him for granted. He pulled away, turned to the beauty who'd walked into their lives after Kate's death; never looked back. As new agents took their places, clipped on their badges & used their guns, she realized she'd no one to blame but herself, for not telling him when she had the chance. MCGIVA/PAST MCABBY. An alternate beginning of sorts to Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
1. Chapter 1

**So Cold **

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Summary: She had been selfish; she had taken him for granted and he had pulled away. Turning, instead, to the exotic beauty who'd walked into their lives after Kate's death. It was her own fault he was gone; partially her fault he'd walked out of NCIS and never looked back, fleeing to Israel with her. But now, as the new agents took their places, sat at their desks, clipped on their badges and used their guns, she realized that she had no one to blame but herself, for not loving him like he deserved to be; for not telling him when she had the chance. MCGIVA/PAST MCGABBY. An alternate beginning of sorts to _Whiskey Tango Foxtrot_. **

_Oh,you can hear me cry_  
_See my dreams all die_  
_From where you're standing_  
_On your own._  
_It's so quiet here_  
_And I feel so cold_  
_This house no longer_  
_Feels like home._

_- Ben Cocks, So Cold_

Her platforms clomped across the carpet; it was the first day the team was allowed back since the debacle with Gibbs and Parsons, and she was eager to see Tony and the others. She'd gotten together with them for lunch one afternoon, not long after they'd resigned, but since then, had not seen nor spoken to them. She quickly glanced at the clock; she'd been down in her lab, fiddling around and organizing everything just as she liked it, before heading up to see her Three Musketeers.

But as she reached the bullpen, she found it deserted.

She knew Gibbs was skulking around somewhere, and that Tony usually came in late, but-

"Something wrong, Abby?" She turned, to find Gibbs behind her. Without a word, she threw her arms around the team leader. Gibbs stumbled briefly, before regaining his balance. "Good to see you too, Abs." He pulled away, going to his desk as he let go of her. The Goth followed him, glancing anxiously at the three empty desks.

"I... I know they resigned." Gibbs glanced at her, before logging onto his computer. "And I... I know that... that they got their badges back." The blue-eyed marine stayed silent. "So, where are they?" It was then that he looked up at her. She bounced on the balls of her feet, watching Gibbs, who didn't say a word; his head snapped to the side as the elevator opened and Tony entered the bullpen minutes later, dropping his gear behind his desk. His hazel eyes shot to the desk beside his, and he swallowed, moving to take a seat at his desk when Abby launched herself at him. _"Tony!"_

He stumbled but caught her, wrapping her in a quick hug before pulling away and taking a seat at his desk. "Hey Abby, good to see you again." But when she didn't move, he looked up, brow furrowing. "Um... something wrong?"

"When are they getting here?" Tony raised an eyebrow, not comprehending.

"Who?"

"You know who, Tony!" She played with her pigtails. "So, are they making a coffee run? They'll be in soon, right? I can't wait to see them."

"The new agents?" He asked, these four weeks since their resignations and his returning to work had been a whirlwind; he'd lost track of life, and just when he thought he was getting everything back in order, here was Abby, throwing his carefully rebuilt world back into chaos.

"What new agents?" She giggled. "No, Timmy and Ziva, silly!"

Tony's eyes misted over briefly before he blinked the film of tears away, and glanced quickly at Gibbs, who watched with silent contemplation. He sat back in his chair, sipping his coffee, watching, allowing Tony to get himself out of the mess he'd made the mistake of getting himself into when he'd offered up the new agents. After a moment, the Senior agent licked his lips, whispering,

"McGee and Ziva... they resigned Abby."

"I know that. But so did you, and you're back. So they've got to get here soon!"

"You don't understand," He glanced at her face, before turning back to logging onto his computer. "McGee and Ziva, they... the aren't coming back."

"Don't be so-" Abby stopped, as Tony's words began to sink in. "What do you mean they aren't coming back?" It was then that Tony met her gaze, holding it as he spoke slowly.

"They aren't. coming. back, Abby. They resigned, and then both disappeared off the face of the earth; we haven't heard from them since."

"But... but that doesn't make any sense, Tony, we... we just_ saw_ them... not long after you all resig-" She stopped, turning to Gibbs. "You knew." She made her way to him. "You knew they'd disappeared, and you didn't say anything when I got up here?" Gibbs set his cup down and got up, going to her.

"Abby, it's not our decision, it was theirs-" But she hauled off, and, for the first time in... well, forever... slapped Gibbs hard before rushing from the room. She fled back to her lab, and her office, throwing her books off the shelves and destroying the few knickknacks on her desk; she toppled her stack of CDs and overturned her desk chair, before her temper tantrum got the better of her and she collapsed in the corner of the office, holding tight to Burt.

Her makeup began to run, mixing with her tears, as her head and her heart began to war. Her head, the logical, scientific part of her, began to scream that it was because of her that he hadn't' returned. He'd loved her, for years, and she'd pushed him away because she "wasn't into the type of relationship." Instead of dealing with it like he always had, when they'd taken responsibility for their mistakes, he'd also accepted that she would never love him that way, and had turned his back on her, walking away with the woman who'd torn the team apart all those years ago.

Ziva.

Her heart screamed that it was all Ziva's fault, that_ she_ wasn't to blame, but that the exotic Israeli who'd come in and turned their lives upside down, who'd slowly, over time, become one of her closest friends, was the one who stole him away. That she'd wormed herself into his heart and into his arms, and apparently his bed, and now, had managed to take him away from Abby. Yes, in her heart's eye, Ziva was to blame.

When she finally looked up, it was to Gibbs standing over her. He sighed, before taking a seat beside her. She took a deep breath, watching the floor as she asked,

"How long did you know?"

"Since Somalia." Abby sniffled.

"And you... you let them... but... I don't... what about... Twelve..." She looked up at him. He shrugged.

"They needed each other; he was good for her, helping her heal. She needed someone like him in her life."

"Tony-" Gibbs shook his head.

"She loved Tony, but not like that. There was an attraction, but it died not long after Vance split the team up. Said she could never picture herself with a man like Tony, who spent more time searching for conquests than getting to know a person."

"So she turned to... to him?" The older man nodded. "Why? He... he was _mine_..."

"He belonged to the whole team, Abby, not just you. And he wasn't going to stand by and wait for a love you'd never reciprocate. Besides, they're good for each other."

"But so were we-" A moment passed, before Gibbs pressed a kiss to her head.

"Did you ever tell him that?"

When she looked up next, Gibbs was gone. As the realization hit, began to sink in, realized that he was right. She choked on a sob. She'd never told him, never treated him like he deserved to be treated. Never loved him, never-

"_No_."


	2. Chapter 2

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Thanks to Reader, Crawcolady, mcgeeksgirl and Gottahavemyncis for reviewing 1.**

_"Oh, when you told me you'd leave  
I felt like I couldn't breath  
My aching body fell to the floor  
Then I called you at home  
You said that you weren't alone  
I should've known better  
Now it hurts much more."_

_- Ben Cocks, So Cold_

She stretched, settling into the soft, light blue sheets. Every muscle in her body throbbed, a pleasant ache that reverberated down to every single cell. The sweet scent of the olive groves filled her lungs, and after a moment, she sat up, making her way towards the window. It was that time that the olives were just right for picking, an activity she often enjoyed as a child, and as she wrapped her arms around her middle, she let her memories take hold. thigh, and as she reached up to run a hand through her hair, she thought back on the last few weeks.

She hadn't asked him to come; in fact, it had been the furthest thing from her mind when she resigned. She only knew that she was to return to her home; the land of her birth. She needed to be here, to be away from NCIS and...

"You're up." Her eyes snapped open and she turned; he took a sip of his coffee and set the cup on the small table in their bedroom before making his way towards her. "Did you sleep well?" She met his gaze as he slid his arms around her.

"Yes. I'm... a little sore, but that could be because someone kept me up last night." She whispered, kissing him softly. A moment passed, before she felt his long slender fingers move over her belly, caressing gently.

"You have to be talking about someone else, Zia. Wasn't me." He chuckled softly, pressing a soft kiss to her mouth and pulling away, never removing his hand from where it rested. She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it wasn't the baby that kept me up all night." She replied, pulling away. He watched her wander over to the bed, and joined her as she stretched out among the pillows. A moment passed, before she slowly tugged her nightgown up, revealing the small swell that had taken residence within her middle. As he joined her, he thought back to the day she'd told him; it had been not long after the case involving Tim's father that she'd discovered she was pregnant. In fact, she'd been trying to tell Tony the night they'd been hit by that car that she was pregnant, that she and Tim were going to have a baby. The senior agent had assumed she was going to tell him that she loved him, when it had been the exact opposite. And when Tony had found out that night at the hospital, he hadn't been angry, he'd just wished they'd have told him sooner.

A sigh escaped her throat, as she gently traced patterns over her growing belly. Tony and Gibbs- who'd found out that night at the hospital as well- had kept their secret, promising not to tell the rest of the team. So when they'd resigned, Ziva had decided that it would probably be best if she returned to Israel, went into hiding. She hadn't expected Tim to follow her, and she certainly hadn't expected him to propose a whirlwind wedding, but here they were, contentedly in Israel, living under the radar in the house she'd been born in, happily married with a baby on the way.

She watched him stretch out beside her, sighing contentedly as he reached out and gently rubbed her belly.

Sixteen weeks.

"There are days when it does not seem real; that we are having a baby." He chuckled softly, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

"Well it is. So no more doubting yourself, Zia. Okay?" She met his gaze, nodding as she reached up and gently caressed his cheek.

"Okay." Their lips met in a soft kiss that was soon interrupted by the ringing of a cellphone. Groaning softly, Tim pulled away and got up, grabbing his phone. After they'd disappeared to Israel, both had gotten new phones and new numbers; only a select few had these numbers- Tim's sister Sarah, who was currently studying abroad in Spain, being one of the few- and the two had made sure to keep a low profile since arriving in Israel. Ziva relaxed, watching as Tim picked up the phone and quickly answered.

"Hello?" Silence filled the phone for several minutes before he heard a voice that he didn't want to hear, that he determined he'd never hear again.

"Timmy- oh, Timmy, thank God! Please, can you come into work and tell Gibbs that-"

Ziva looked up as Tim turned to face her, green eyes filled to the brims with something she couldn't identify. She asked silently what was wrong, but he waved her away. "I'm sorry, but you must have the wrong number."

"But, Timm-" He ended the call, quickly hanging up and turning his phone off as he returned to the bed.

"Who was that?" He met Ziva's gaze, placing the cell on the nightstand as he settled beside her and reached out, gently laying his hand on her belly. She reached down, covering his hand with hers as she waited for him to speak.

"It... it sounded like... Abby."

"From NCIS?" He nodded. "But... that's impossible. She doesn't have this number, we made sure-"

"Sarah." Ziva stopped, surprised.

"What?" He pulled away, grabbing his phone and turning it back on.

"I'm gonna kill her." He ground out, dialing a number and holding the phone to his ear. Ziva sighed, sitting up and climbing off the bed. She grabbed his arm, tugging firmly and yanking the phone from his grasp, ending the call and shutting it quickly.

"No. Tim, look at me." He met her gaze, sighing. "It's not Sarah's fault. Abby probably forced the number out of her. You know how Abby acts." He wrapped his arms around her, feeling the small swell of her belly pressing gently against him, and gently, he reached down, laying a hand against her. "Besides, Abby doesn't matter. We do. And so does she, remember?" He chuckled softly, pressing a kiss to her lips before kneeling down and pressing a quick kiss to his wife's belly.


End file.
